Don't Go
by carriesagun
Summary: Sirius left. Then, he came back into my life, and now? I don't know how to cope...


**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters mentioned herein. I just like bringing them out to play!**

_Don't Go_

"I hate you, Sirius Black!" I screamed. I remembered doing it, shouting at your so loud my throat burnt for days after. What you would never know is that my eyes burnt for longer, tears shead only in the darkness at night. Mornings following the full moon were the worst after that day. Even now I feel ridiculous; you weren't there when I shouted at you, were you? No, you had been shipped off to Azkaban, leaving me alone. You were meant to love me, Sirius, not leave me, I argued silently.

Lily and James were gone, Peter was dead, you were locked up and Harry - my Godson, as much as yours - was taken from me to live with those ridiculous muggles because of how 'dangerous' I was. I have never felt so bitter towards Albus than I did that night. As I stand in our kitchen now, my hand and eyes are drawn to the dent in the wall I made that night, and my thumb touches the scar on my knuckles. You'd have laughed, Padfoot - Mooney finally got angry. I missed you, all of you.

So I threw myself into the small amount of work I could get, hiding away when the transformation came, laying exhausted in my silver cage when the beast had finished ravishing my body, broken into pieces smaller than a pinpoint. I sometimes, in this severely weakened state, hallucinated you standing in the doorway, smiling, holding a pot of hot chocolate in your hand and a small bundle of clothes. You'd walk down the stairs like you used to, slide to the floor and hold me, spoon feeding me hot chocolate until I was recovered enough to dress and move upstairs to our bedroom, or if that was too far, even the sitting room.

I hadn't slept in our bed since you were taken away to Azkaban. It hurt more than anything to even venture in there just for my belongings, and I often found myself unable to even open the door. Memories fill this house, Sirius, but I can't bear to leave. The memories are all I have now, all that's left.

Albus invited me to teach a few years ago, said he needed a DADA teacher. I went, of course; I got to see Harry again! Though I had to bite my tongue, see, because of how much he looked like James. He proved himself to be as cunning as you were, Sirius, and smarter than Lily and James put together. Then you came back. That walk across the grounds, I felt like a weight had been lifted from my heart when I saw you. I could never mistake your daft, scruffy - looking animagus form, with it's docile eyes and lips that seemed to be forever smirking. I had to drag myself away, but I knew you were close, and I slept well that night.

You really screwed up coming back properly though, didn't you? Mind you, so did I. Forgetting to take my potion was downright dangerous, but I doubt that Ron's leg will ever recover completely from that bite. You were so slim... So skinny in comparison to how you were before. Azkaban had broken you, I could see that, but Padfoot was still in there, as much as Mooney was still in me.

I went home that summer and felt certain you'd come to me, and at the end of July you did come home. I thought my heart would burst through my chest at the sight of you standing there in the soft summer rain. My Sirius, my man, was home. The hippogriff Buckbeak was with you, but he was soon placified with a bowl of raw meat I usually kept for my transformations.

I drew you a bath, fetched some clean, pressed clothes for you and lit a fire in record speed. I didn't want to waste a moment with trivialities.

"What took you so long?" I asked quietly as you stripped of your Azkaban rags and left your tatty shoes on the floor. I collected these and folded them, putting them in the laundry basket for washing later. Why you would want them again, I did not know, but it felt like the right thing to do.

"I'm sorry, Reme; I should have come sooner," you said once you had settled into the warm water with unburstable bubbles in bubblegum flavour, your favourite. I had kept a bottle of the sickly smelling concoction just in case, I kidded myself. You sighed and tipped your head back onto the bath pillow, and exposed all that lovely throat. A sudden flashback reminded me of nipping at that skin, just hard enough to draw a speck of blood for me to lick away and draw a soft moan from you. I shivered despite the steam. I wanted you, I knew that, and it wasn't long before I found myself dropping my own shirt and other clothes to the floor and sliding into the tub with you, finding your hand and squeezing it.

Then you took my face in your hands, smearing me in sweetly scented bubbled that made my cheeks tingle as they burst. "You're still you, aren't you Remy? You're still you in there, and out here... My, you've never looked better." I remember then that the tingling intensified as I blushed and pulled my gaze from yours. I felt like you were looking through me, searching me for something you desperately needed to find. "This one's new," you whispered, index finger tracing a scar fresh on my shoulder.

"I hadn't noticed," I whispered back, goosebumps answering your fingertips across my skin. "I have so many, they seem to merge into one eventually." You looked hurt then.

"I know every single one," you smiled, then leant forwards and kissed where your fingers had been. I gasped and shivered again, and your arms were suddenly around me, pulling me against you so our chests pressed together, and my lips found yours. You tasted like I remembered, like everything I loved all in one mouthful; chocolate, vanilla ice cream, rose water...

"We made a mess," you breathed a few minutes later, laying on top of me as I rested with my back on a towel. I glanced at the water that had abandoned the bath, looked at the manic look on your face, felt that warm, happy afterglow set in.

"I don't care," I mumbled and you giggled and kissed my nose. I had forgotten exactly what sex with you had been like, but whatever I had thought could never have prepared me for how perfect it was. My eyes must have drooped, because you suddenly shook me and were kneeling on all fours, making those adorable keening noises I loved.

"Don't fall asleep here," you whispered, holding a hand out for me to help me up. I smiled and took the assistance, following you into the bedroom where we both scrabled into pajamas and slid into bed. I finally felt whole, felt safe again. Nothing could describe the relief I felt then as I drifted to sleep, safe in your arms with your soft, sweet smell surrounding me.

Oh yes, I could have stayed there forever. But forever wouldn't let me, would it? When the owl demolished my window, I could have killed it there and then. Instead, I threw it forcefully through the shattered window and repaired the glass. The commotion had woken you up, and as you stretched I couldn't help but stare. "Good morning," you said with a damn smile on your face.

"Is it?" I huffed back. You laughed loudly, a noise like a bark which made even me smile.

"Oh, Mooney, you are such a drama queen." I huffed again, an crossed my arms, but you crawled across the bedsheet and whimpered at me. I couldn't help but smile at you as you unfolded my arms and dragged me onto the bed, pinning me down by my wrists and covering my shins with your own, rubbing the end of your nose against mine as you ground your hips into mine.

"You're naughty," I breathed, using all my self control not to arch my back against you. You began kissing my neck, nibbling at my earlobes, nipping my throat until I couldn't help myself, arching my back and letting out a soft, smooth groan.

"And you love it," you whispered in my ear, sucking my earlobe until I could feel a hickey on it.

"No, Siri, I hate it," I replied, scratching my nails down your shoulder blades until you yourself made a gentle moaning noise in my ear.

"You haven't forgotten," you whispered, rolling me onto my chest and pulling my t-shirt off, licking up my spine as you pulled my hips up to meet yours until I was on all fours.

"How could I? But I do remember that I'm usually the top," I teased. I could feel your smirk even if I couldn't see it.

**A/N; Cliffhanger ending! Don't worry, more to come soon though!**


End file.
